Monday, August 10, 2009
I couldn’t do it anymore. The fact was plain and simple—I wasn’t meant to be married let alone be a mother. It was too late to give up the kid, I was too damn attached but Don didn’t have to suffer my self imposed entrapment. Sometimes I felt like I should have been born a man, I guess that’s a bullshit excuse for less than a mensch. I had been stuck in the hospital for two days and all I could do was think about Reno and that old lady, she had changed my fate, some part of me couldn’t let her down.
It was Tuesday, and it was raining. I was tucked inside my bedroom, still too weak to really do anything. I was laying on my back playing with the overkill remote which I still hadn’t figure out how to use. Once I was able to turn on the stereo, to my further exasperation I found trying to peruse the music library on this contraption overwhelming—so I pressed Shuffle.
The Beatles poured from the Bose speakers and a deafening rate. I covered my ears looked at the remote, then gave up and got up to turn it down manually. It took three knobs, a few dozen buttons and much cursing before it was at a comfortable level. I had been seconds away from pulling out every plug I could find. Climbing back into bed, I let the world spin, perhaps bending over hadn’t been such a good idea.
My cell phone rang it was James, I picked it up irritated that it was him.
“Hey, how are you doing dawlin?”
“Good” his drawl made me smile a little.
“I was thinking.” Big pauses were never good.
“You were thinking?” Two heartbeats was more than enough time for me to wait.
“I want to go back to New Orleans.” Fuck, my heart flipped, sank and did all the other horrible shit they do when you hear something you don’t want to hear.
“I” I didn’t know what to say and I wasn’t ready to speak.
“Cher, I want to take Dylan with me for a couple of months.” Here they were hot fucking tears, blinding me. I had become such a damn crybaby since having the kid.
“Savannah, I want you to come with us.” He choked on us, I sobbed, hung up the phone and did the stupidest thing you could possible do.
I took a steaming hot shower, painted my face, pulled on the tightest jeans I could find and the highest heals I could tolerate and called a cab.
What the fuck was I doing, I knew exactly what I was doing. Ruining my marriage, putting my kid in jeopardy and coming up for air for the first time in months. There was an oak door between me and the crazy train. I had downed two gimlets at a no name dive before arriving where my feet were currently planted.
I knocked, Darren opened the door. He had his professor jacket off and he was wearing one of those cheesy short sleeved dress shirts and a tie. I didn’t have to say anything; it must have been the way I let my eyes crawl from his feet, over his tatted arms to his mouth that I had been dreaming about.
He yanked me in the office and had his tongue buried in my mouth before I could have a second thought. My skin tingled and the fog in my brain lifted. I kissed him back grabbing him on both sides of his waist.
He pushed me up against the door—maybe dreams do come true.
“You are so hot.” I smiled, as he kissed my neck.
When he pulled back still embracing me and frowning, I knew he wasn’t talking about my sex appeal.
Before I could protest, the back of his hand was on my forehead and was looking at me clinically.
“Don said you were just getting over something.” I let my leg around his waist slid to the floor. He said his name.
I must have looked mortified, he kissed me gently. “Why don’t we take a walk to the med center?”
He stepped away from me leaving a void and walked to his desk to grab his keys.
I may as well have been a snake and not a student. Before entering I had hastily reapplied some gloss but suddenly I felt a sick as I must have looked.
The nurse, took the thermometer out of my ear.
“100.1, you should go home. If it gets any higher go back to the hospital.”
I was right back where I started. I had convinced Darren that Don was home and I would be fine when he dropped me. I trudged back and hid all evidence of my outing. Grabbing an ice pack I climbed back into bed, halfway dreading being alone. The thought had barely finished forming in my brain when the front door opened.
“Savannah” It was Jane, the question is…to confess or not to confess. It was just a kiss, so far.