Monday, August 17, 2009

Fucking A

I don’t even think that expression is En Vogue anymore but it still worked for me. I was an ass, a big one and instead of getting a weight off of my shoulders I had gone and made Jane cry, hell I had broken her heart. If she felt this way about the situation I don’t even want to know what would happen if I told Don. Fuck me for thinking I could have a normal life. I laid back down on the bed, while Jane sat on the edge crying silently.

I know how she felt sort of, it’s like when I found out my mothers boyfriend that I actually liked was leaving. He wasn’t my Dad and he had really only been in my life for 6 months but I thought my world was falling down around me. The ignorant hick in my also failed to remember that Jane had been friends longer with Don that he had been my boss or husband.

“Do you think you will change your mind?” Jane sobbed.

“Baby girl, I am a fuck up and nothing is going to change that but right here, right now is not where I should be—if I don’t get out soon I am going to destroy everything.”

Jane wiped her nose. “What are you going to do?”

“I think I am going to take James up on his offer to go to New Orleans but I am going to stay with Charlie. Y’all can come visit, I don’t want to make it seem like I am going to be gone forever.”

“I get the worse feeling that your never coming back, that I will never get to see Dylan again.” Jane looked at me.

“You will see Dylan again.” Jane’s face crumbled and I realized that I hadn’t included myself in that sentence.

I needed to call Don, shit maybe I should wait until I didn’t have a fever.

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