Window Shopping

Darren sidled in the bar that night looking much more like I was used to. He smiled at me and walked up to the bar. “What is your goal?”

I frowned at him, he was using his professor voice and I didn’t really like it. He caught on quickly and changed his tone. “What the hell are doing in college?”

I pretended the bar still needed to be wiped down—I could see his face soften. Here we go… “You are shy; I would have never guessed that about you.” Since getting married and becoming a mother I have pretty much arrived at the conclusion that I have multiple personality disorder—they are just all high functioning and aware of each other. I needed my hard face.

“You are on my turf, I don’t disrespect you in yours, don’t do it in mine—what are drinking?”

“And the wall goes up, a Newbie.” He was genuinely disappointed that I wasn’t going to let him in my head. I slammed the beer down a little too hard and, Darren grabbed my hand and kissed my palm—it completely unnerved me. So much so that when I saw Shack walking through the door I breathed a sigh of relief. I walked from behind the bar as fast as I could.

In the office I locked the door behind me; Don didn’t even look up from what he was doing. I walked over and straddled him kissing him on the mouth, he didn’t miss a beat and kissed me back gripping my ass and nibbling my lip. I hugged him hard. It wasn’t what I wanted, what I really wanted was to get high so I could cope with that shit Darren just laid on me.

I didn’t want to be a window shopper but I was, the curling of excitement in my belly told me that I was fucked. I told myself to focus on the jewel that I had in my arms, a gift that I was never going to be given again. I systematically and intellectual forced Darren out of my head, I had known him for over a year—he was a recreational drug user (like I was any better), he made out with random women in the bar, his pissed on the sides of buildings, having a Ph.D didn’t change any of that.

My palm burned. “I am going home.” I stood up.

Don knew something was wrong but to his credit he didn’t ask.