Garden of Eden

Whoever said some days are better than others made a gross overstatement. Jane was sitting next to me holding my hand while Pricilla of all people applied my makeup. What the hell was I doing? Don had immediately said yes when I asked him to marry me. He didn’t smile, or jump for joy he simply said yes.

Now I was sitting in our bedroom on the trunk at the foot of the bed eyeing Jane’s champagne and wearing a simply strapless dress that fell “elegantly” over my bump and flat shoes. Jane had taken my hand because they were turning red from my fidgeting.

When Pricilla finished my makeup she shrugged.

“It’ll do”

I held up a mirror to the perfection that was my chubby pregnant face. As I angled my head from side to side I caught the slight smirk of pride of her face. I just had to burst her bubble.

“I look like a Goddamn Stepford Wife.”

Her smirk broke into a full on grin.

“I know, it’s a fucking miracle” she put the rest of her tools away.

Jane was near tears and I tried to ignore her.

“You look so beautiful.”

I still hadn’t cut my hair yet, but somehow Jane had managed to pile it all on top of my head.

“Show time” Pricilla was holding the door open.

Ten minutes later I was married in the back garden of the house I now called home. The guests included Don’s brother, Pricilla and Jane. Not every girls dream wedding, but we had full catered dinner and cake, you can’t forget the cake.

Later in the evening as I lounged across Don’s lap, Pricilla and Jane fought loudly over the Playstation 2 game that I had spent hours mastering, Katamari Damasi . While Don’s brother scowled at me over a the bottle of champagne he was drinking directly out of.

I scowled back at him and rested my hand over Don’s, which had found a willing perch on my stomach. Don must have sensed something because suddenly, after popping and olive in his mouth he announced that it was our bedtime.

It was ten minutes until 9:00 PM. As he stood taking me with him his brother followed me with his eyes. I had heard them arguing earlier, he didn’t think I was good enough for Don. Smart kid, he was right. So when I snuck back down stairs to raid the refrigerator at 2:00 AM and found him doing the same thing, I gave him an earful.

He was standing the Subzero with a spoon sticking out of his mouth. He hadn’t noticed me when I started my rant.

“You’re absolutely right.”

I nearly yelled it and the spoon dropped from his mouth and clamored to the floor.

“Ok” he shrugged.

“I’m not good enough for him, I am not even good enough for most people but I have survived this long on my own and I could survive now but I chose not to.”

“Ok”

“You don’t have to worry about me taking his money, I could give a shit about that.”

I moved until we were almost toe to toe.

“So here is your chance, lay it on me.”

“Wha?”

“The cuckolding, gold digger speech, lay it on me.”

“I don’t give a shit about his money either, I am just worried that your going to take that baby and run and smash his fucking heart.”

“Oh”

I took a step back, pointing my nose in the air as haughtily as possible.

“Shows how well you know me, I would leave the kid with him.”

I waited for a heartbeat before telling him I was kidding.

“I’m afraid for his heart too.” I retreated going back up the stairs without my snack to lie down next to my husband.

Jesus, I had total screwed myself. I was stuck all because I was afraid of becoming a man hating old lady with cats.