My attempts at breast feeding had been a joke. The kid just wouldn't stay latched on so subsequently I had given up and he was now on formula making my life much easier. Everyone could take turns feeding him and we didn't have to be attached.
My alone time was few and far between, but I learned quickly that if I sent the group off without the kid the stayed gone longer. He was asleep on my chest making soft cooing noises, while we were partially sumberged in tub full of warm water. I felt like cooing myself. The lights were down low and I sipped at a hideously small glass of wine. Thankful for the quiet.
I was tempted put him down but I knew he would be fussy by the time I put him in his diaper and onesy. I sat there until the water was nearly too cold then got up walking into the bedroom naked. I set him down on a towel I had laid out earlier ont then quickly dried myself off. I patted his pruney skin then placed him still in the towel in the pillow bumber I had made then climbed in next to him.
When I woke James standing over me, it took me a minute to remember my modesty and pull the sheet over my bare breasts.
"Wow" he grinned at me before reaching down to pick up his son. Cradling him he walked out of the room. I turned on my side but couldn't find sleep right away, it seemed as though I had just drifted off when Don climbed in next to me.
I scooted as close to him as possible intent on going back to sleep when I felt him stiffen. I opened my eyes but could only make out the outline of his face. Touching his cheek, I asked him what was wrong.
He didn't answer, instead he carassed my arm from wrist to the shoulder, repeatedly then down my side. I smiled to myself then kissed him. I threw my leg over his waist and straddled him. I couldn't help but chuckle when he exhaled so forcefully that his hips pushed me up nearly an inch. It was our first time.
When I woke in the morning, Don was gone and Dylan was back. He was on his stomach facing me with his eyes open, he was making his fussy mouth, at any minute it would become his fussy cry. I propped myself up on the pillows then put him on my chest were he seemed most at home. I thought about what to do next, as if getting up and walking six feet across the room to grab a bottle out of the fridge and put it on the warmer required much thought.
After a few false starts I got up and got the bottle. Sitting cross legged on the bed I fed him. I must have looked like the madonna because when Jane knocked quietly on the door before letting herself in, she put her hand to her chest and gasped. I frowned at her before looking back a Dylan, then I noticed my still uncut hair hanging around my elbows and the fact that I was naked didn't help.
She sat down next to me on the bed and stroked Dylan's head, while I fed him. She sniffed. Oh Jesus here we go. The floodgates had just opened when the fiancée' walked in. So there she found us, me naked and holding Dylan with Jane curled up against me.
Hate was an ugly thing, but that I night her prejudice reared it's ugly head. Her boiling argument with James floated through the vents of the old house. She couldn't bare the thought of child being reared by such people?
Such people? Her soon to be husband had no qualms about throwing down with me on the first night we met and had probably repeated the scenario on numerous occasions and she was worried about about a couple of lipstick lesbians?
I fumed, Don was at work and I was sitting in plush chair next to Dylan’s crib with my legs curled up to my chest. I would be damned if my kid turned into prejudice right wing asshole.
Shit, I was a mother.
