I am whore.

I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with me, but James was like a drug. No matter how much I tried to focus on Don, who I loved, adored and cherished, my babies father was drawing me in like crack.  

Two weeks after Jane and Pricilla's bundle of joy was born into Lesbian bliss I had broken down and confessed to Priscilla.  I knew she would understand, she was more like me than Jane ever was. 

Priscilla was from a broken home, grew up poor and preferred fighting to making love.  When I started crying she had pulled me in by the back of my neck and kissed me. "Babe, those men are going to kill you."  I couldn't help but laugh... she was still trying to recruit me.

I took some solace, lying next to her in bed with her baby girl.  Dylan was with his James, James...I couldn't stand to call him "biological" as if what we had done was nothing more than an experiment.

I could taste him, on my lips every time I kissed Dylan, smell him.  I fought it but suddenly I wasn’t sure how much longer I could resist him.  He didn’t even want me, he had walked away from me after that first and only time.  Shit.

I was drifting off, Pricilla was breast feeding and my phone rang.  A picture of James that I had used as is ID photo made me laugh, he was picking his nose.  I never meant it to warm my heart, I had been looking at that picture for months it wasn’t any funnier but I was excited that he was calling.

“Hey baby, I need to drop Dylan off early.”

“OK”  My heart skipped a beat, Don was at the bar already.

“I have a date.”  I could damn near hear him smiling. 

“What the fuck?” Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

 “Savannah?” James sounded completely confused.

 “Oh, sorry…I was watching something on TV” God I was an idiot to think I was anything more than somewhere to bury his misery.

I told Pricilla to stay put.  Put my coat on and hit the street searching for a cab.  

My chest ached, I needed a drink.