Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Friends and Family


It was no secret that I was crap at the family and friends deal. I was defensive, overly sensitive and had a way of letting insults fly out of my mouth. The older Dylan got the more I started to return to being my old self. Part of me was already afraid of the kid leaving me—then I would think of my mother and knew that letting him go would be the best thing I could do for both of us when the time came.

Winter had come to San Francisco, the miserable bone cold rain, the fog and the smell of mold in any building over fifty years old…including our little Chateau. Don had found it first, some scary Chupacabra shit that was growing behind the toilet of the guest bathroom. It was the color of human flesh and reached out like tendrils daring you to sit on the crapper.

Don had the cleaning service scrub the offending wall only to find that hours later it was back. Now he was shaking his head while environmental inspectors ticked a list off of what would need to be done to the house. Meanwhile, thanks to the location and age of the house a San Francisco Historical Preservation Society Matron, was standing buy saying what could and couldn’t be done to the molding and wainscoting.

The cleanup was going to cost him a small fortune and we were suddenly homeless. After four days in an overpriced hotel, the kid who spent a good deal of life in poverty came out in me and we moved in with Pricilla and Jane. It didn’t last long, especially since Priscilla was about to pop and kill someone.

Finally a friend of Don’s had suggested we stay in his loft while he was in Belize or somewhere else I had never heard of. The loft was a maze of childhood treachery, spiral staircase, hard metal and cement edges. I refused to go up the stairs with Dylan and ended up buying a folding bed to sleep on in the living room. It was miserable so when Jane invited us to a Barbeque in Dublin I couldn’t refuse, I had to get out of Bachelor hell anywhere I could and being able to take the baby was a bonus.

It was time to eat my words or thoughts as they were, Dylan was gurgling and happy on Don’s lap while I stared at people that I thought that Jane would never associate with. They were preppy, lived in condo on a golf course and talked about golfing and tennis like it was a required social skill.

I tired to focus on the glass of wine in my hand while Jane sat holding Pricilla’s hand in a death grip and smiling. Both women were dressed in wrap dresses, tights and boots. My lip curled at their treachery.

“So you own a bar?”

Jane’s father looked at Don who smiled back at him.

“Yes.”

“What’s it called again?”
“The Pink Puss-E” Priscilla bit out through clenched teeth.

I turned and looked at her my face obscured by the wine glass and mouthed.

“You bitch” and took a sip of wine.

Priscilla’s lip curled into a smile. Just this morning she had assured me that this was a casual get together. Little did I know it was the first time Jane’s parents were being introduced to Jane’s girlfriend and the mother of her child.

The doorbell rang and everyone let out a collective sigh at the distraction, until I saw who the distraction was. James walked in looking gaunt, I looked down suddenly conflicted not because of the awkward explanation of his relation to the little group but because my heart leapt when I saw him. Dylan pumped his legs harder in excitement at his fathers’ deep drawl.

I chided myself…”he is the father of your child you are always going to be emotional about him…get a grip” I said the last out loud and didn’t mean to.

Jane caught my distress and rose. “Savannah why don’t’ you help me in the kitchen.”

In the kitchen Jane turned on me “Do you love him.”

“Yes” I blurted it out before I thought about it.

“Wait, who?” Jane smiled “James” she said as she started popping raspberry and brie hors devours on a baking sheet.

“Oh” I shook my head like I needed to clear it, even though I knew exactly who she was referring to.

“Of course I do, he is the father of my child.” I thought it sounded good and apparently Jane did to because she smiled. “I am sorry I tricked you.” She kissed me on the cheek then donned and oven mitt and popped the tray into the oven.

Jane made herself another Mojito and headed back into the fray, I wasn’t sure this party could get any worse. Apparently a few other close friends were invited to show up but had politely declined.

When the doorbell rang again I prayed that it was the police saying that we needed to evacuate. Instead I heard the dulcet tone of Raymond, a transplant from West Africa, via England. His accent had picked up the indigenous harmonies of his parents home and the posh sounds of British aristocrats.

His mother was a personal assistant to a wealthy textile tycoon and Raymond had spent his days surrounded by children with the plumiest of accents at the best schools. In London he was a well known footballer at one point. In San Francisco, he was gay interior designer and Jane’s boss.

I took a deep breath and walked out to greet the new guest and walked smack into James. I forced a smile.

“How are you doing? You look thin.”

“I am doing good, it was nice to be with the family.”

“Was it?” James smiled a little mournfully.

“I like your sister tremendously.” My smile was genuine as I relaxed a little.

“She spoke highly of you as well and is already planning on Dylan spending his vacations from school in New Orleans.” I frowned.

“Maybe in High School” James laughed and I took the opportunity to scoot past him.

Pricilla was holding Dylan looking at him like he was going to explode. Dylan was slobbering all over her and laughing about it.

It took me a second to notice that both Jane and Don were missing, while Raymond chatted freely with the rents’ my instinct told me not to go looking for them so I sat down.

Was this it? I thought to myself as I looked around the room.Married, with a baby from a former lover and Lesbians as my best friends?

I knew I was nuts every time I got the feeling to run away from it all. To go back to taking whatever drug I could get my hands on and cheap booze, I was lucky I wasn’t in a ditch. Even still I couldn’t help but feel that there was a part of me who didn’t want to be happy because that little part of me knew that I would be broken if anything happened to my family.